Its very hard to admit that I was struggling. It took me months to figure out that I'm actually having a problem. A big one. I am struggling to find my true self. It was hard at the beginning, and it still remain the same for now. I see people getting what they want, achieving their goals so easily and I do not know what they had suffer in order to get there. That's the problem. All i see on me is pain. All i see on others are the opposite. I am struggling to be better than others, and at the same time i want to be better in a good way, in a path that my God want it. I want blessings. and through this journey, i realized that its not easy to get Allah's blessings and at the same time to feel satisfy with what Allah had given to you. Its a lot of hardwork. Why is it so hard to make my heart feels content? Why is it so hard to feel satisfy? I always feel like giving up but i know that in the future i will regret this. It was based on experiences. I regret my past life of being so unproductive, by being so afraid to do anything that leads to big changes. I wish i can be more reckless in making decisions.
I woke up in the morning today, i turned on the tv and Tanyalah Ustaz was on air, the same usual clueless morning routine but now its not clueless anymore. I think one of my questions was answered. "Semua yang berlaku pada kita sudah tertulis oleh Allah, kita hanya perlu redha" Its funny (and beautiful) how Allah put this on me because I already know that redha is the only way to make my heart feels content, but this morning when somebody actually said it loud, it enters my ears and circulate for a long time in my mind. And, that makes me realize that I know this thing, I just don't practice it.
I woke up in the morning today, i turned on the tv and Tanyalah Ustaz was on air, the same usual clueless morning routine but now its not clueless anymore. I think one of my questions was answered. "Semua yang berlaku pada kita sudah tertulis oleh Allah, kita hanya perlu redha" Its funny (and beautiful) how Allah put this on me because I already know that redha is the only way to make my heart feels content, but this morning when somebody actually said it loud, it enters my ears and circulate for a long time in my mind. And, that makes me realize that I know this thing, I just don't practice it.
